Well Sue here at horsefeathers has full custody of me and things are.....ok here. Its been a little rough, like part of our barn colapsed! It was just a bad day, it wasn't the barn its self but pat of the hay loft, we had this ledge that extended out over the back barn area which is like a run in fo the horses and sheep, the ledge extended across half of it and had alot of hay and grain on it when it fell. there are a few mircles here to, Sue hadn't finished putting away the sawdust and left a good pile outside and also parked the skidsteer in a diffrent spot than normal, she usuall puts it right under that ledge where it colapsed, but didn't, when the thing fell we would have been blocked off from the sawdust but there was sum left outside. also, we lost no hay or grain from the fall and no horses or sheep were under the ledge when it fell. nothing was lost other than space for hay storage. Were slowly moving the hay off of the rubble, but it gives us wood for a new shelter or fencing!

On other news, the morisville girl that has here stallion here moved in upstairs with me and is super nice! She just so supportive and helpful. Shes a little crazy, but knows a lot and wants to help.

And again on other news, Sweetheart has been on 2 trail rides now and swam also, and canter for a long wile on the canal, with another really green horse. And Also i've been enlisted to do an actual stallion ad for the QH journal and horsebits magazine for the morisville girl, yeah i kow what your thinking, can she even do that kind of photoediting? or something like that, well yes i can actually, i just havent had the time to do any, only really just photography. though i've been drawing i just haven't posted anything cause i haven't had the time, living on a farm is exagusting, its past midnight as i write this so yeah, anyway, i'll post my progress on the stallion ad.

Well, im an official resident of horsefeathers farms! yeah!! (i hope) Sue will go to court in two weeks for permenant custody, so we'll see what happens from here.

My best friend is probably going to elmcrest, FOR NO REAL FRICKEN REASON! Stupid govt. the poor girls horse just got hit by 2 cars yes 2. shes alive but there not sure whats gonna happen. And she might have to loose her other horse to because she gonna end up in kid jail, the girl never did anything wrong.

we've got a new boarder here at the farm, shes got 2 stallions and a mare and she just bought rondevu, thank god, she'll give that mare the attention she deserves. Shes got a 25 yr old stud whos an own son of Sunny D bar, and a 2yr old with an impressive show record and is a son of the other stallion. Hes so good you can ride in the ring with him on a mare that is in heat! I can't believe it but i did it so thats proof enough fo me. But there georgious the both of them! The girls an expert trainer thats going back to morisville for her masters degree, so shes here for 2yrs. SHes got a great eye for horses and trains futurity horses for reining and i guess i've been putting a good foundation on my filly and been doing it right.

My filly is doing good, i rode her outside the ring for the first time around the yard and i didn't die! yea! Other than that im doing dressage! aswem no! we've got this skinny warmblood thats just a diamond in the rough. he jumps 2'7" like its nothing and is just a wonderful dressage horse so i convince Sue to teach me a little and she did! Watch out megan i'll woop your but in road hack classes! I can get a real extended trot now! lol

Well, i made my choice and moved out of that house. im free. I now live at horsefeathers farm, with Sue as my legal gardian, its a real long story, if anyone wants to hear i'll be happy to write it. but the people i was suost live with were so nasty to me for no reason it was unbeliavble. i hid here at horsefeathers, and now im legally living here.

so meg, i'll see you at the shows this summer but im probably not going to cns next year, im going to canastota schools probably. if you wanna call the number is 697-2750 you can leave a message, these guys here are nice, ignore everything anyones said about richard, even me ok. i'll give you the full details if you want.

i dont have acess to the computuer at the other house so i don't know how much i'll be adding stuff. i'll be getting a camera soon so i'll be able to post something, sorry people.

this is a rant, im really confused right now and this is the only way i feel safe letting it out, It would help if someone read it and commented, im sorry for bothering anyone.

Im going through hell right now and this is what i see, im stuck in a house that dosn't feel like home, everyone i though of as family is dead and now people i know, but who feel like strangers are trying to decide things for me, im not gonna let that happen, those i feel are my family are not here, they are elsewhere, at a place these people do not want me to live, i haven't decided, but i will soon, and it will rock to foundation of the people who are so calledly "trying to help me." I just dont see it anywhere.

I do not feel at home in the place i've called home for my whole life. I feel like a stranger in someonelses home, just taking up space, my bead and this computer are my only comforts in this....this......place, that i can no longer call home. My home is where i've really been since my mom died, with the people and animals that were really there to comfort me, and still are, and give me the real support i need.

These people here at my former home are not giving me that support, support that i truly need. There just trying to set things up so they can keep me "entertained." They say they want me to try to be a kid again, i lost my childhood, Mentally i am to old to be a kid. They want me to be a helpless little kid that thay can make all the decisions for, well......there never gonna get that. Im far to intelligent to do that. they wanna please me with trinkets and gadgets, and keep everything from me. To bad for them i can see what there trying to do, I sound crazy don't i! maby i've finally snapped form all the crap i've gone through.

Everything weighs on my mind, everything, I never sleep truly soundly, im edge and am terrified of everyone around me, im tempted to sleep with a knife or gun under mt pillow because im terrified of all these unknowns, i feel like there gonna come and get me in the night and finally do me in, im terrified of dying, i feel like at every moment theres someone waiting for me to find my voice and speek up, and then when i do the'll shoot my and leave my to suffer in guilt and agony, its weird to feel like this, i know no one is gonna get me but i've lost it, almost every sense of certinity in my life is gone, it drives one mad when they can't find the answers to to puzzle of terror and lies they face every moment of there lives.

My parents are gone, but i still have the feeling of death hanging around me, the feeling of am i gonna wake up or get a phone call and there gonna be dead, its maddning, completly maddning.

Last weekend i finally got to go to a gaming show, i didn't have little joe, but i had a mare named Ranger. We kinda decied to go the day before and well, we pulled this 20yr old mare that we only had for like 2 to 3 months, i knew she was a gamer but i had no idea how good she was, so we thought we'd wing it.

Well let me tell ya, that old mare can run! we were up against some tough competition and we came out with two 4th, two fifths, and a sixth, we placed in all of our classes but one. that was my first time on full sized patterns and my first time poles, i did alot better than some of the girls there who've been riding for many years, our times wern't fast enought to catch the younger horses, but we had a heck of a lot of fun. I also gotta say the people were really nice, they were really supportive and made my first time out a lot of fun, we ran with all we had and were really happy.

I spent the rest of the week out at the barn, Were finally painting and things are going alot smoother there now to. In 3 days i must have rode at least 18 hours. I finally got to ride in the front field, its like 20 acres and i can really open a horse up out there, its alot of fun.

I rode my filly some more and she aswem! shes learning real fast, my friend gots pis and a video so when she emails them to me i'll post them.

My paint mare finally got shoes and pads, my farrier is like so nice he did it for free. Shes been lame for over a year, i haven'y been able to ride her much, i really miss it, but now shes sound, happy, and willing to work! Oh im so happy.

And thats a short summery of the few good things that have happened in the past 2 weeks, the rest is hell and im not going to bore you with that.

P.s, ignore the mood smily, im not high it just wont change